James 4:1-2 ESV

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?

You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

The Crucible of Family Conflict
God uses the crucible of family conflict to accomplish this goal. He turns up the heat under our families to let the impurities in each of us rise to the surface. It can be messy, but God uses this refining process to show us what we're made of.
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